Beavers Day 5 – there’s no easy way to say this…..

After a day off on Thursday, it was an early start for the SBCC as they prepared for their final match of the Spoon round robin against the Bangkok Postels, which was scheduled for an 11.10 start. Discretion had, for the most part, been the better part of valour the previous evening and it was only Phil who caused some consternation by arriving alarmingly close to the start time; and even this was down to his tuk-tuk driver taking him to the wrong golf club.

Events of the previous day meant that there was no way the SBCC could finish the tournament anything other than bottom of the pile – we woke up with our solitary point from the run chase against the Cavaliers, whereas the teams immediately above us were the Wombats and today’s opponents the Postels who already boasted 7 points each. Safe in the knowledge that our final standing in the tournament was already secure, we were able to set about our task with a new sense of freedom.

The names went into the hat. History cannot record the order they came out, but after a number of negotiations the most experienced trader in the team had moved position in the batting order a number of times and found himself back where he started. On such slim margins can games be won or lost…. Final batting order was settled with Chris taking first strike accompanied by Nige. Millers drew 3 and the acceleration was to be provided by Phil, Dicky and Chas.

Nige and Dicky wandered over to the Postels tent to flip the coin with their enigmatic captain, Cyrus the Virus. Up went the silver piece, somersaulting several times as it climbed towards the roof of our opponents’ tent before reaching its apex and heading back to the grass-trodden floor in an atmosphere of hushed silence. At last the King of Thailand stared back up at the two captains and it was Cyrus who broke the trance-like silence. “We’ll field first”, he said, thereby completing the first call-less toss of our campaign.

Back to the SBCC tent and the distribution of pads and gloves, ready for the innings ahead. Time was called on the preceding game and the openers strode to the crease, with smiting their only objective. Chris took guard and took a careful look at the opening delivery as it passed through to the keeper. Satisfied with what he saw, he opened his shoulders to the second ball, ready to despatch it to the long-on boundary. Sadly intent and execution were not happy bedfellows in this instance and the only dispatching that took place was that of the middle stump. A disappointment in the final innings from the big man from Belfast who had been integral in making the SBCC competitive in earlier games, and the knowledge that a visit from Jenny the duck lady was imminent.

But cometh the hour, cometh the man. Millers arrived at the crease having looked sharp in the nets and took to his task with relish and considerable effect. The boundary always proved hard to reach, but some determined running, egged on by the team and supporters in the tent, kept the board ticking over and a couple of cases of the yips from the Postels meant that extras had another good day for the Beavers. Eventually, at the start of the final over, Nige (or “Boycs” as the SBCC tent called him) drove over a straight one and departed for 7 but with the score having moved on to 65 thanks to the aforementioned yips from the Postels, and some lusty hitting from Matt “Farmer” Millers who found himself unbeaten on 26, with runs having been harvested all around the park. Phil came in for a couple of trademark big hits before being caught on the last ball of the innings, and the Beavers walked back to prepare to defend a highly creditable 79.
The mantra was “No wides – no wides – no wides!”. Chas prepared to get proceedings underway, flexing a particularly uncomfortable left shoulder. A couple of deliveries right on the money were followed by the Jaffa, which flattened middle stump and sparked SBCC celebrations around the ground. The Dickster had bequeathed the gloves to Millers so it was down to him to keep the pressure on after Chas’s over had restricted the Postels to just 7. It took a handful of deliveries for him to find his range and the extras total got on the move to keep the Postels in the game. Phil bowled the third over and was a model of line and length, beating the bat on a couple of occasions and putting the pressure back on. Nige finally managed to locate the middle of the pitch and on the last ball of the 4th over was rewarded by some sharp glove-work from Millers to record the first SBCC stumping of the week and probably, let’s be honest, in the history of the club. Chris put his hangover-induced waywardness of the previous day behind him and bowled an immaculately tight final over to bring the SBCC home with a 20 run margin of victory! Special mention must go to the Dickster for living up to his billing as a gazelle in the field with an outstanding diving stop at deep mid-wicket, which inspired a sharper all-round performance in the fieldA first triumph for the Stuffed Beavers in the Chiang Mai Sixes!!

As is a key part of the tournament it was trebles all round in the SBCC tent, followed by a leisurely day keeping an eye on proceedings in the rest of the tournament, with a particular highlight being Dicky’s stint at the microphone. The evening’s agenda was all about the bar and the band. The Dickster and Millers took to the stage in Tuskers and wowed the crowd with a cracking set of Stones and assorted guest appearances, notably from Bill of the Gipsies and Clive from Romany, a team we hadn’t met but who were very welcome into Tuskers Bar. Performance of the night has to be the duet by the Belfast lads, who marked their new acquaintances of the week with a roof-raising rendition of “I’ve got friends in low places”. A huge thanks to Chris and Mark, and also to big Phil, for joining in entering right onto the spirit of the slightly unorthodox SBCC approach to cricketA great final touch from Terry of the Malakas who presented the SBCC with a bottle of vodka to mark our maiden victory, which in itself was a fitting end to an absolutely outstanding week. It goes without saying but here goes anyway: roll on Sixes 2008…..

Stuffed Beavers Day 4 - more of the same....

It has been pointed out that the match reports have been too “wordy”. We have apparently spent longer at the computer than we have at the crease. Herewith, therefore, the executive summary:

- Met the MayThais – top boys
- Won the toss!!
- Batted first
- Batting order: Phil, Chas, Nige, Dicky, Chris, Matt
- Couldn’t find the boundary
- 41 for 3 off 5 overs
- Donated 32 in wides (Matt bowled the longest over of the tournament so far)
- Lost in 3 overs, Chris taking the only wicket
- Attended the pig picking
- Fining session at the Riverside – Chris turns out to be the world’s greatest fine-master
- White Lotus for England vs Sri Lanka
- Home (late….)

Beavers Day 3 – a New Dawn

Welcome back to the chronicle of the triumph of hope over expectation. Tuesday brought a new sense of belief to the team as our latest ringer, Phil the Kiwi potato farmer, joined the ranks –this promised to add some fire power to all facets of our game.

The day started once again with a quest to locate the rest of the team. Phone calls went through to voicemail and text messages remained unanswered. More by luck than judgement we gathered for lunch by the pool at D2 and learned of Dicky’s experiences that morning with a bath full of yoghurt. Chas and Nige had opted to avail of the services of the blind masseuses in the north of the city, which constituted an hour of pummelling and plenty of yelps of anguish. All this in the cause of being able to raise the bowling arm above shoulder height…. Millers meanwhile had been on a recce to check out the Mandarin Oriental and returned to report that this is, without doubt, the most ostentatious hotel in the world.

Lunch was followed by a trip to the music hire shop and a brief but ultimately futile negotiation for the hire of drums guitars and sound system. The planned jamming session was therefore postponed pending further discussions and maybe a one-off for Friday night.

Next stop was the Gymkhana Club, and preparations for the next match. Things did not start too well as Nige marched up to the wrong tent and introduced himself to the MayThais, notwithstanding the fact that we were not due to play them until Wednesday. On the plus side, we were pleased to welcome Rasta to our tent, having successfully avoided the dog police on the way in. The atmosphere was undoubtedly subdued in the SBCC marquee, due partly to the wish to avoid being talked at by the stuck record that is Dunners, but also because the UN Irish Pub, our immediate neighbours to our right, were conducting a full-on fining session that was ultimately to get through eight bottles of vodka accompanied by an ever-increasing noise level.

The Irish lads, Mark and Chris, were particularly quiet due to their 7am finish after a night at Jackie’s Van, although Chris chose to point the finger of blame at Dicky for introducing the concept of the Gin and Tonic with a G&T chaser. Slowly, the cobwebs were swept aside and eventually there was a move to the nets to limber up for the game ahead. Hope was riding high on the form of Phil, and it was with some nervousness that we watched his first delivery miss the nets completely and disappear into the stream at the back of the club. Nige meanwhile continued to direct the ball in every direction except that of the stumps, and it took the intervention of our friend John from the Wombats to suggest bowling round the wicket, which actually seemed to improve things considerably. Dicky had agreed to hand over the gloves to Matt for the day so took the opportunity to get his eye in with the ball, and when Phil went in for a bat we realised we had a proper cricketer in our midst’s.

The inviolate sanctity of the draw took another pounding as the names came out in a remarkably similar order to those of the previous day, with Matt & Dicky first out of the hat, followed by Chas, Nige and Chris with Phil bringing up the rear. It was quickly agreed to use this as the bowling order and bat through the list form the bottom up.

Nige and Phil set off around the boundary to meet the Gymkhana Cavaliers (we had finally managed to find out who we were playing), and stopped off along the way to pick up some beers to try and bribe them into agreeing to let us bat first. The bribe swiftly disappeared into the Cavaliers’ coolbox, much to the consternation of the SBCC, and matters turned to the toss. The old adage “tails never fails” is proving less reliable as each day passes, and with Nige making it three lost tosses out of three, the SBCC were sent into the field.

And so to the action. Dicky paced out his run and launched into his first over of the tournament. The rustiness was undoubtedly there as two consecutive wides lulled the batsman into a sense of security but then came the Jaffa! Looping in, and yorking the batsman on the second bounce, it was the death rattle and only the second SBCC wicket in the competition! Hopes were sky high at this stage, but a further wide introduced a reality check into proceedings, and the over ended with the Cavaliers on 14 for one.

Fresh from his treatment at the hands of the blind masseuses, Chas prepared to bowl the second over, conscious no doubt that he was the teams most penetrative bowler to date and recognising the need to make further inroads. Sadly, today was not to be his day, which we should maybe have expected based on the grunts of pain that accompanied each delivery he bowled in the nets, and the only “w”s in the scorebook were to be the two wides. Nige was next up with his new round the wicket action which can only be described as a qualified success at best – a couple of straight deliveries, but two wides as well, including the cardinal sin of a wide on the last ball which gave the Cavaliers an extra delivery.

Finally it was the turn of the ringers. Chris took the next over but sadly the effects of Jackie’s Van were still in evidence, and he will no doubt be disappointed with the 4 wides that kept the Cavaliers score heading north. Phil completed proceedings with a mixed bag that carries some promise for the matches to follow. A milestone, however, had been reached as the Cavaliers score was inflated by the substantial contribution of 52 extras. This was impressive enough for the commentator to remark on it over the PA, breaking off from his much appreciated plugs for Tuskers Bar.

The run chase, therefore was 84 to win, and all hopes rested on the shoulders of Phil and Chris, since the tail began with Nige at three. And there was plenty to cheer, as the two big men set about their task with great intent. Suddenly the SBCC discovered the art of scoring boundaries, with Chris hitting two more sixes to add to his one from Sunday, and Phil crossing the rope regularly. The run-rate ultimately proved too big an ask, but Phil signed off the innings in great style by launching a monumental six over midwicket to get us to 67 without loss – 32 to Phil and 22 to Chris. We had outscored the Cavaliers off the bat, but fallen victim once again to our inability to bowl straight. The loss of no wickets, however, earned us a bonus point – our first of the tournament!

Beavers Day 2 – A New Challenge

Our opponents today were the Wombats, 20 year veterans of the tournament – a classic case of old meets new. As was pointed out to us when the fixture list was published: “Wombats vs Beavers – you couldn’t make it up!”

It took a while to locate the team after the carnage of the previous evening however we finally reconvened at the luxury D2 hotel and repaired to the less luxurious but more appropriate O’Malley’s Irish pub for a team meeting and a restorative full Irish breakfast. After all, when in Rome……

Onwards to the Gymkhana Club and the urgent application of some beer. The chaps, true professionals that they are, were soon in the nets, working hard on fine tuning their game. On reflection we should maybe focus on the tuning first, and get fine about it at a later date, but you cannot fault the commitment,

The toss was an unorthodox affair – the Earl of Wombatshire, no doubt suffering from the long walk round to our tent, announced that they had never lost a toss in 20 years and were not going to start now – apparently this is a time honoured tradition of the tournament. The SBCC however are no respecters of tradition, so in the glorious art of compromise, a coin was tossed and the Womabts called shortly after it had landed. They elected to bat first.

In a radical development from day 1, John had broken off his patrol of the boundary to agree to be included in the draw rather than dictate his place in the batting, and so the names were drawn by our photographer Mark, whose work will hopefully be displayed on this site very shortly. The draw was kind to Dicky the wickie, sending him in to open the innings with Matt, who had been devoting considerable time and attention to his duties as head of banter. Chas was the third name out of the hat, with Nige at 4, Chris at five, and the last name to be drawn being the one and only John. And this was not even fixed! So far so good, or so we thought. Just as we were all getting into “the zone” it turned out that John was unhappy with the hand that fate had dealt him, and declared that he did not want to bat at six as he was keen to have an innings. In the spirit of team-ness (made up word), and possibly to stop him going on about it, Chas agreed to swap and peace was restored.

And so to the game. Chas completed his stretching exercises just in time to steam in off his 3 pace run and send down a penetrative although ultimately unrewarded first over. Some nifty footwork from Millers in cow corner saved a certain boundary and at the end of the over the Wombats were under pressure at what was for the SBCC a highly creditable 9 for no wicket. The boy Begley had carried his form into day two, and most importantly: no wides!! Up stepped the big man from Belfast to inject further pace into the attack and let the Wombats know they were in a game. The pressure was maintained and despite the lack of wickets. Things were not looking too shabby after two overs. Little did we know… First change is a pivotal role in any form of the game, and Nige with his mix of wides and complete tosh is undoubtedly not the man to fill this role. The board ticked on and suddenly the Wombats were disappearing over the horizon. It was down to Millers to see us home, but the line and length days seem to be a thing of the past. The extras total ticked up to 42 and the Wombats returned to their tent, very happy in the knowledge that they had to defend 77 for 1.

After 20 minutes re-hydration, Dicky and Matt strode to the wicket to launch our chase. A stylish single from the Fordster put Millers on strike with aggression seeping out of every pore. After a brief look at the bowling, he opened his shoulders to launch one over the marquees. Ten out of ten for intent – hit out or get out! In this instance, sadly, it was the latter as a gentle top edge looped into the stomach of the wicket keeper. After a short delay, both the ball and assorted other household items were retrieved and the game could resume.

And so the game itself petered out into a comfortable victory for the Wombats. The Dickster was a rock in defence, breaking Chas’s record the previous day by carrying his bat for 6. John edged and nurdled his way to 11 and our most productive player, extras, saw us through to 46 for 1 and second place.

By the way, correction to Day 1 report, Millers scored a rather impressive 10 in the first game, rather than the slightly pitiful 5 as reported. We therefore forgive him his misfortune in this game.

We repaired to the Wombats tent for post match libation and extended them an invitation to join us in Tuskers Bar. Whilst they were unable to join us this time round, we have no doubt we’ll see them before the end of the week and we were pleased to welcome our neighbours, the Sa Pa’s along with the Divine Felons, The Taranaki Taverners and most importantly, the umpires for another thoroughly enjoyable and hopefully lucrative night for the SBCC clubhouse.

More news tomorrow, however rumour has it that our Northern Irish contingent called it a night at 7.00 am this morning – oh the stamina of youth…

Chiang Mai Sixes - Stuffed Beavers Day 1

Sunday 1st April: a significant milestone in the history of the Stuffed Beavers Cricket Club, as they took to the international stage for the first time. In temperatures soaring into the mid thirties, hydration was clearly going to be an important factor – to this end we were fortunate to have the services of Belle, a student at the university of Chiang Mai who kept us supplied in San Miguel as the start time of 4.30 approached. We were also pleased to welcome two new members to the SBCC fold: Chris Billingsley, a 26 year old all rounder from Belfast, and John Dunn, a 66 year old seasoned veteran of the Chiang Mai sixes.

Our opponents were the IOS Malakas, who have themselves been coming to the tournament for the best part of 15 years, and who had played earlier in the day and adopted an even more dedicated approach to hydration. Early signs for the Beavers were encouraging as the Malakas skipper was unable to stand for the toss – it looked like the beer was having an effect on these chaps already. The toss itself went to the Malakas who elected to field, which was satisfactory to all parties as our agreed strategy had been to bat first in any event.

In a slightly bizarre departure from SBCC convention, our guest John had announced where in the line up he was going to both bat and bowl, so the draw for the line up had to be conducted around this unorthodox request. First out of the hat was Chris followed by Chas, with a power house middle order of Matt, Nige and Dicky and John to prop up the tail. With the start time approaching there was a palpable sense of tension in the SBCC marquee as the enormity of our task began to sink in. Chris and Chas strode to the wicket swinging their bats both to loosen the shoulders and send a declaration of intent to the oppo. And so battle commenced. At which point it is important to understand the local rule in relation to wides – no extra delivery, but 4 runs added to the score.

Chris faced the first delivery and carefully watched it go through to the keeper, but his intentions were soon made clear as he launched a massive six over midwicket. He and Chas scampered (in the loosest sense of the word) for ones and twos and the board kept ticking over. Our secret weapon, extras, was a key factor in helping us move towards what we thought was a respectable total. The sight of Chas bent double over his bat after another keenly run two was a reminder of the debilitating effects of both the heat and the whole concept of exercising, but our brave lads stuck to their task and after Chris lost his off stump aiming another lofted drive over the bowlers head, Millers took up the mantle with enthusiasm and, occasionally, bat on ball. The 5th and final over came to a close with Chas, or “Boycs” as he became known during the evening, having carried his bat for a magnificent 7 and Millers unbeaten on 5. Chris’s top score of 11 and a healthy contribution from extras saw us come in on 48 for 1 – all in all a very encouraging debut innings in the tournament.

After a 20 minute break it was back to the pitch and Nige prepared to bowl the first over. He paced his run-up and set an attacking field of two slips and a gully, to the considerable consternation of the Malakas openers. Needless to say it was all bluff, and after the first ball passed harmlessly through to Dicky behind the wicket, the field spread out to try and keep the run rate down and increase the pressure on the batsmen. At which point I must refer you to the earlier comment re the penalty for wides… Nige’s complete inability to bowl straight resulted in 3 wides in the first over, and when he finally managed to send a straight delivery down the wicket it was unceremoniously despatched back over his head for an enormous six. 18 without loss at the end of the first over had put the Malakas firmly in the driving seat and in spite of a much tighter second over from Millers we were always under the cosh from thereon in. Chas lifted SBCC spirits in the 3rd over by sending middle stump cartwheeling out of the ground, but the damage had been done and it was only midway through the 4th over, being bowled by John, when the Malakas clamed the winning single.

Handshakes all round and a swift reconvening at the bar, where we were at least able to be the last to leave the ground. The Malakas are a good bunch of lads, and they joined us at Tuskers for the rest of the evening along with Blythwood CC who we had met earlier in the day. After a slow start to the evening it was trebles all round and a good marker for the rest of the week. Just need to work on bowling straight…..

Stuffed Beavers go International

The Stuffed Beavers will be competing next week in an international cricket tournament. Yes the Beavers are going global and representing Thailand (odd given that we have no Thai nationals!) in the 20th Chiang Mai Sixes Tournament.

You are of course welcome to attend but for those that are unable to make the trip you will be delighted to discover that you can watch all the action live as it happens on the internet. See Gurners steam in, watch Millers smack boundaries, admire Fordy flying through the air to take miraculous catches, watch Begley collapse trying to save booundarys. Don't miss any of the action.

If we are sober enough at the end of the days play we shall compose a few lines iand publish it on the Tuskers blog and you can post your comments on the days play. http://tuskersbar.blogspot.com/ While you are on the blog please click on some of the google ads which earns me a commisssion!!!!

You can watch the action here http://www.chiangmaisixes.com/sixes_internet_video.html

or listen here http://www.chiangmaisixes.com/sixes_internet_radio.html

The Beavers schedule is as follows (all times for Bristish Summer Time and they are approximate)

Sunday 1st April - Beavers v IOS Malakas 10.30 am

Monday 2nd April Beavers v Wombats 10.30 am

Tuesday 3rd April Beavers v Gymkhana Cavaliers 10.50 am

Wednesday 4th April Beavers v Maythais 10.30 am

Thursday 5th April Beavers drinking only

Friday 6th April Beavers v Bangko Postels 5.30 am (You'll have to get up early for that one

In the unlikely event that we make the final we will be playing in the last game of the tournament at 10.45 am on Saturday 7th April but since the hcore of our side will be flying home at that time our chances will be pretty slim!

So join the Beavers in their quest for immortality and pass this email on the everyone you know

Getting Sorted

Apologies again for being tawdry on keeping up with the blog. The fact is I don't seem to have any time for anything anymore. It's a struggle getting established and everything takes soooo long.
Anyway a quick news update.
First the bad news -we are currently engaged in a mini staff crisis with 2 of the original team of four either leaving or left which has left us a bit short on resources. We are OK at the moment but April is going to be a difficult month with the a big first week followed by Songkran and then a flying visit back home to help my mate Nige get wed. We will wan tot get sorted out by then. Luckily the remaining staff are being magnificent and we will cope somehow.
The other tale of woe is that trade is still slow. Damned frustrating; we appear to be making progress and then take a couple of steps back. I hate empty pubs!!! (especially when they are mine!) We have got a good marketing plan and are starting to put it into effect but everything takes time and I am an impatient fellow at the best of times.
The good news is that we have secured a place in the Chiang Mai International Cricket Sixes in the first week of April. The Stuffed Beavers Cricket Club is at last about to play on the world stage. Some of the top boys are flying out and although I doubt we will overly trouble either the scorer or the opposition we will have an awesome week and I suspect the bar take will be considerably improved.
The other good news is that the website is finally up and running www.tuskersbar.com so save it to your favourite, check in everyday and if you have a website or blog please link to me to help pucsh us up the google rankings. There is a bit of work to do on the site yet both from a design and content pperspective but a giant stride has been made.
Lots of visitors coming over the next week so I will post some pics of happy drinking in CM
Until then ciao

Check On Chef

Well chef or no chef food really did have to start so I find myself wearing an apron. Now I like getting in the kitchen but catering cooking is something I soon tire of and on top of that I have a business to grow so being stuck in behind the scenes is not the best use of my time at the moment. Still needs must and I find myself slaving over a hot stove..

On the positive side at least it gives me an opportunity to put together a menu I like and think will attract customers. So many catering businesses it town have very similar menus so I wanted to do something different with an international flavour.

At the moment the menu is small and easily manageable, the idea being that we can serve decent fresh food without having to throw too much stuff away. I have been helped enormously by Graeme, Rachel’s cousin who just happens to be one of Britain’s finest young chefs. Handy indeed.

Graeme has been sending me good recipes for idiots and although there is a gulf in cooking ability comparable to Ronaldinho and a fat Sunday kick about player, under his guidance we have immeasurably improved some of our dishes.

The menu at the moment consists of:

Thai Park Satay

Indonesian Beef Satay

Hummus and Tzatziki served with warm pitta bread and a salad garnish

The Thai Burger – fresh mince mixed with Thai herbs and spices

Chicken Tikka Burger served in pitta bread and mint yogurt

A Green Salad

Peri Peri Chicken

BBQ Chicken

Honey Soy Chicken – all 3 of which are available in quarter, half and whole sizes

And the latest addition Tuskers ribs

I want to add some more including

Crocodile satay - in lime and ginger – yes crocodile which I feel is a very under used meat.

Creamy crab and herb dip

Giant river prawns

There is much else besides but the key is to build slowly so we can maintain the quality.

The new chef starts on Wednesday and I can’t wait as it will free me up to do some much needed marketing. The key to success is going to be getting out there and letting people know what we have to offer. Bums on seats that’s what I need so I’m off to try to put some there so cheerio for now.

The Chef that Couldn’t Cook

Last post I spoke about how pleased I was with the attitude of the bar staff – unfortunately the same can’t be said for the chef. What a bloody disaster. Ten days getting ready and preparing the food and I finally came to the conclusion that the chef was about as useful as a lead weight to a pigeon.
My doubts were first awakened when one of the test dishes, chicken as it happens came out undercooked. Can’t be having that, we might kill one of our customers and that might not be conducive to increasing business. When I investigated I suspected that the brand new grill wasn’t working properly but the chef claimed, ‘it cannot be too hot like your heart’. Uncertain of this rather peculiar statement I decided to get the man that sold the said grill in to check it out. After all I could place my hand on the grill without too much discomfort and I am sure that is not hot enough to cook food regardless of the temperature of my apparently red hot heart.
I was proved right the gas was set to the wrong pressure and was duly fixed.
The next incident occurred when I asked chef to serve me one of our patent Thai burgers. Again there seemed an equipment problem. In a week our chef had not even bothered to turn on and test one of the four major pieces of cooking equipment. I began to suspect I had not been landed with the brightest star in the sky so I decided to stop the nice encouragement routine and start to ride him a little harder.
The day before we were due to start food I decided on a full working test. Throughout the night I would send in random food orders as if I was a customer, correcting as we went along on things like presentation etc. And correct I did on virtually every single dish. The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was being served stone cold satay. On demanding an explanation he told me that ‘no one came to fetch the food.’ With 3 bar staff sitting around twiddling their thumbs sitting a few yards from the kitchen I went into Gordon Ramsay mode. Seconds into my tirade the chef slammed his palm down on the table with some force and exclaimed ‘I quit’.
Good bloody riddance.

The only problem is that I am now not only trying to manage a brand new business but also having to cook the meals. At least customers will get hot food!

Is £2 a Decent Days Takings?

Oh my Lord what kind of task have we set ourselves? The first week trade was to put it mildly quite slow!

In those far off days at The Malthouse there were many days when I despaired of trade but our opening week here comfortably eclipsed them all. On the worst day we took not a sausage which would have at least subsidized the staff meal. Having said that the reaction from the customers we have had in has been overwhelmingly positive. They like the place and have shown that by coming back. We have had a very high repeat rate from the few that have come through the door which is a good sign for the future.

Realistically the low trade is hardly surprising as we have done no marketing or advertising at all. This may seem somewhat remiss on my part but it was quite deliberate. While we find our feet there are likely to be many hiccups in the quality of service. Only one member of staff, for example knew how to make a gin and tonic so on a skills level we are starting from zero. I wanted to make sure we had a decent product to start with before spreading our net – far better to have a few happy people than a lot of unhappy ones!

Trade was also slow because we have not yet started serving food. We are just not set up for it and the chef needs more time to get prepared (more on that saga in the next post). We need to get the menu up and running to boost both our appeal and takings.

Being quiet is a real de-motivator for the staff. Sitting about really dulls the senses and leads to a lackluster attitude but the guys have responded really well and every customer through the door has been enthusiastically greeted and welcomed. I am especially pleased that they are talking to the customers, something that will lead to repeat trade and the type of pub we want to create. Also they all now know how to mix a G&T as well as a number of other drinks including the cocktail of the week, my favourite a caiparinha – very refreshing a jolly nice.

Note to self: don’t drink the profits!

Opening Night Friday 12th January

WE ARE OFFICIALLY OPEN!

Putting the disaster of the second burglary behind us, we had a good week of getting used to the bar. The staff are all highly motivated to make this venture work and the pub is looking fabulous.
Opening day really began when we picked mum and dad B up from the airport. It is by pure luck that they arrived for the opening day celebration and it makes the occassion even more special.
The party began at 7 pm and for two hours, it was absolutely manic as our friends and aquantances joined us in wetting the pub's head. It was great to see Tuskers reaslly busy and the number of people generated a real buzz and a great atmosphere. There were a few minor hiccups on billing and running short of certain types of glasses, but compared to the happy atmoshpere, these were mere blips and no blemish on the evening.
Later on, things quietened down a little and we were able to speak to people for longer. We got excellent feedback and the evening was a wonderful success.

Pictures of the opening

The Fake Opening and Another Sorry Tale of Woe

After an extremely stressful week we opened our doors for the first time. This was a fake, rather than a real opening and the next seven days were earmarked as a training week for the team to get used to the new bar.

We had invited a small group of friends to join us and toast the true beginning of the Tusker's story. With music playing and low lighting, the place really is very atmospheric and soon everyone was in a happy light-hearted mood.

At 8.30, Chas's mobile rang and bought the party to a crashing end. It was our next door neighbour who told us that there was someone in our home and we were being burgled again. This conjured up all sorts of nightmare visions and First, our manager, drove us home at break-neck speed. When we arrived, the house and neighbourhood was swarming with police and security officers but it was too late. Virtually all of our other valuables saved from the first robbery, had been taken. Being robbed twice in a three week period is a truly gutting experience. Luckily, all the animals were unharmed and at the end of the day, things are only things.

Can you believe our luck? Obviously it is the same crew that did us the first time and the police have been very helpful but our chances of recovering anything are virtually non-existant. To have to put up with this at the same time as trying to open a brand new business is exceedingly hard and adds an entire layer of almost unbearable stress but we remain positive and won't let the bastards grind us down!

A Smashing New Year

With the pub on the verge of opening we were determined to have a cracking New Year's Eve celebration.

As a thank you to the builders, who have been fantastic, we began by throwing a little bash for them at the still uncompleted Tuskers. A few beer Changs and some whiskey soon got the party flying. The builders went and found some great Thai street food for us to enjoy with the drinks and once everyone was well lubricated, language difficulties soon disappeared. Things were further complicated linguistically by the arrival of our French friends and their parents.

At about 8.30, we left the happy builders to continue their celebrations and jumped in a tuk-tuk to go the short distance to Riverside, one of the biggest pubs in Chiang Mai.

The place was packed and there was nowhere to sit, hopefully we will be this busy next year! As it was, we found a lovely spot down by the water's edge which was also conveniently located next to a temporary bar erected to cater to the vast crowds. We had an excellent evening and at intervals the bar staff came along with huge bags of hats, party poppers and micellaneous noise makers to help us contribute ti the proceedings.

At midnight an enormous fireworks display was unleashed from the opposite bank to which we had a truly grand view. It was far bigger and spectacular then we had ever expected and while it was perhaps not quite in the league of the enormous displays in London or Sydney, it was certainly on a par with many of the world's major cities. We saw ths as a declaration of intent by Chiang Mai that is was a city very much on the up and that is something we definitely want to be involved with in the coming years.

A happy New Year indeed.

New Year's Pics

A Thai Christmas and an announcement

Living in Thailand is fabulous but Christmas is one of the hardest times. It is at this time of year that thoughts turn to family and friends back at home and all the things we are missing out on. When we were here in 2002, Christmas barely featured in Chiang Mai, but this year we noticed a big change and there were a lot more decorations and festivities around the city.

On the day, we invited a group of friends to join us at the house for a traditional dinner. The event was enhanced by a major personal announcement. First thing on Christmas morning, while opening out presents, Chas went down on bended knee and promptly tried to put an engagement ring on the wrong finger. Rachel was mortified and quickly corrected the matter.

The ring itself was a charming piece of jewellery depicting two cats intertwined and cost a grand total of £3. Despite Chas being delighted at the simplicity and symbolic significance of the ring, a couple of days later Rachel made him go out and buy a proper one.

The Christmas dinner was a great success, mountains of food in the traditional English style washed down with rivers of alcohol.

Christmas Pictures

At least we've got some piccies up

Hi all we know we have fallen way, way behind on the writing but we really are banged out busy at the moment. At least we've had time to load up some opening night pics. Hope you enjoy...

Pics here

Coming soon-

an announcement
Mr and Mrs B's visit
an update
staff profiles

Sorry, sorry. sorry

Sorry about the lack of news, pics etc but things are more hectic than pure chaos. We will try to update tomorrow and then be a little more diligent about keeping up to date!

Starting the Wind Up for Home

Hi All

Let's write a cheerier post and update you with some pics.

We are racing like hell now to get open for New Years Eve. It is going to be really touch and go but we will do our best.

Eveyday now there are major steps forward as we get closer to completion of the bar.

In the kitchen we have a specialist team working on the extraction unit. Once they are finshed we can do the last little jobs in there and get the Health and Safety man in to give the OK. We can then get our restaurant licence.

The metal doors have gone in and look really good. The are designed to concertina against the pillars when we are open.

The waterfall frieze has been installed and that is now almost complete except for the installation of the pump and dressing with plants.

The ladies toilets are close to being complete along with a special girls only chilling room complete with sink, dressing table and easy chairs. I am hoping this feature will cause a little buzz among the ladies of Chiang Mai.

The building of the back bar unit has finished and now we are having it varnished. It has caused me no end of stress. Getting the colour right has been something of a nightmare not least becuase they use completely different techniques of woodstaining here and there have been may communication difficulties.

The ceiling is being installed. In the end I went for one of the more expensive options and now I can start seeing the results I'm glad I did as it gives the whole building a solidity and completeness.

We have even started painting and decorating so hopefully we are coming into the final stretch.

Finally, a particularly important task was the relocation of the Spirit House which was something of a mystical ceremony overseen by Lee. The Spirit House is now in a better and hopefully more auspicious spot. I hope our spirits are happy with the improvements to the buildin and will bring us good fortune.

Plenty of new pics here

And finally if I don't have time to post again before the 25th, Rachel and I and all the team here at Tuskers to be wish everyone a very, very, merry Christmas

A Day to Forget

Friday15th - the original day we identified for our opening just over six week ago. It should have been a moment of triumph, the realisation of a dream but it didn't quite work out that way.

To start with we knew we weren't going to get open by the 15th a few weeks ago - just too much to do and not enough time, even so a deadline missed is an opportunity lost and it was not an auspicious start. to the day

I spent the early morning in the garden varnishing acres of pub furniture which we are trying to whip some life into. No real problem there except by the time I finished after 3 hours I had a splitting headache from the fumes which stayed with me for most of the day.

I then popped down to the garden centre and picked up some plants with the intention of getting the arches planted up along the pub front. I enjoy a little pottering in the garden and was quite looking forward to it. I began with the main arch and the biggest plant but the pot was dominated by a central steel girder running up the centre of the inside of the brick piller.

No problem said one of the builders. He promptly grabbed his steel cutting gear and had soon made mincemeat of the offending pylon - I should have taken note. The root body of the plant was a little too compact and needed some shaking out so I was vigoroulsly setting about this task when I plunged my finger tip straight onto the razor sharp, jagged steel which sliced through my puny flesh with minimum resitance. The claret flowed freely for a long while and it hurt like buggery. It wasn't quite bad enough for stitches but needed a fair bit of binding to stop the incessant bleeding. Gardening duly cancelled, T-shirt covered in blood. finger throbbing and I still has that damned headache.

Then I discovered I had locked my keys in the car which was bloody frustrating as some drawing I needed to discuss with the builders were locked within. This involved an annoying additional round trip home in a tuk tuk in the hottest part of the day to fetch the spare set which was a diversion I really didn't need but at least I was able to change the bloody t-shirt.

On my return to the pub I then got barked at by the next door neighbour who was needlessly upset about some trivial matter and was quite rude which is very bad form in Thailand. On top of that I had to end the working day with a difficult meeting with my team involving the thorny subjects of cost control, time pressures and quality of work. Although there was no major crisis it was just one of those more difficult meeting s and I arrived home with the feeling I had really gone through the wringer'

I was looking forward to putting my feet up to try to de-stress but I hadn't even made it to the door when I was hijacked by my neighbour. "Would Rachel and you like to come round in a little while for Christmas carols?'. It seemed some children who she worked with were going to be visitng for a Christmas sing-song.
'Are you bloody joking', I felt like saying but feeling i has neighbouly responsibilities I meekly agreed we would come round to show some moral support.

The choir duly arrived, about 30 kids and adults dangerously loaded into 2 pick ups and went through their series of songs in Thai, Karen, Akha and Lahu with an occasional line of English thrown in. The kids, particularly the younger ones appeared to be enjoying it and singing along with great gusto. Despite myself I found I was beginning to relax.

Afterwards we stayed a little while while our hosts handed out drinks and snacks to the children and we learned that most of them were Aids orphans and many of them were dying. Their smiling faces and cheery dispositions in spite of so much personal misery were a reminder to me that my petty problems were trivial by comparison.

Inspired, we decided to go out and headed for a wine bar owned by a very pleasent Brit who has just started in the wine wholesale trade. An excellent opportunity to have a drink and look at possibilities for the Tuskers wine list. Good company, nice atmosphere and lovely wine worries of earleir in the day fell away. Friday 15th though has a sting in its tail.

On leaving the wine bar we went for some happy beers at an imaginatively named establishment called 'The Pub' and then stopped in to grab a quick burger with our friends Murray and Nui.

We were in high spirits when we returned full of joie de vivre but within moments my intestines were turning sickening somersaults and I was gripped with that anguish that seizes you when you realise something is seriously amiss. After paying the driver I looked up to see little Cleo our tiny cat walking out the front door to greet us. However cats don't open doors and I knew instantly we had been robbed.

The next 15 minutes were a feverish blur of checking what was gone, making sure the animals were all safe, finding out how they got in, screaming blue murder at the security guard, calling the police. ranting. raging and cursing.

Within very quick order we were invaded by an army of government agencies, the police, paramedics (thankfully not required), the airforce (???), all armed with flashlights, flooding the area with their good intentions. It was quite astonishing and soon a picture of of the crime was built up.

First, they tried to get in through the kitchen, they had removed glass from the window, cut through the mosquito screen and tried to undo the lock but it was securely double bolted. Foiled they had cut through the iron bars that cover all our windows and doors and gained entry through a side window. It now seems that our return disturbed them because thankfully the job was incomplete and at least some of our most treasured possessions remained. Nevertheless we took a serious hit losing Racehl's jewellerey, my laptop, our small digital cameras (thankfully they didn't get to my big camera), our ipods, all our sunglasses' cd players, some cash.

That sort of experience can really knock you and I think it is worse for being abroad. The losses are bad enough, but you feel surrounded by a bubble of filthy violation that someone unknown has entered your world and brutally shaken it about. At the same time you are impotent to respond in any way that will actually undo the damage. The police have been very good and unlike the UK will actually investigate and shake down the local crime networks. It helps that our landlord is very well connected and has already spoken to police high command. However that is action others can take, we can only watch and wait.

We have decided to repond by being positive and looking to the future. There really is no point in dwelling on it, we can't turn the clock back. We can only move forward, we have a pub to finish and a business to build. We must and will sodier on with even more deterimination and take the words of Kipling as our rallying call. 'If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two imposters just the same. . . '

And quite right too it could be far worse. We could be one of those poor children who sang for us in the early evening with big smiles on their faces. Children who have already suffered the most terrible losses, many of whom bear unfathomable fears and pain with great fortitude and will, in all liklihood, never even live to adulthood to be able to enjoy the kind of fabulous opportunities we have before us.

EaRTquAKE!!!!

On Tuesday night Chiang Mai was hit by an earthquake. The quake recorded 5.1 n the Richter scale and the epicentre was just 10miles from the centre of town

At the time we happened to be enjoying an extremely jolly meal with our French friend Oliver, his Thai girlfriend and his parents. Oliver has just closed his restaurant so we were helping them eat and drink the remaining stock and were all a bit merry. The only other time I was caught in an earthquake I was also drinking, so I must monitor this correlation in the event of future quakes.

On the previous occasion I was in such a state of inebriation that I didn't believe it was happening. On Tuesday though I made no such mistake. Even to a novice it was obvious what was occuring the ground gave a big old rumble and the building shook a bit. Nothing too alarming, I am glad to say. We all wandered outside, as this is the done thing as far as safety is concerned but we made sure we took our glasses and bottles of wine with us. Stood around, had a drink and strolled back indoors to continue our revelry. Drama over.

The next day I checked at the pub and nothing was awry (thank you Sue and Simon for providing the correct spelling to this very useful word). Apparently some buildings near the epicentre had some cracks but methinks that's more likely to be an insurance scam than genuine earthquake damage.

As to the pub everything is proceeding although slower than I would like which means opening day is still a big question mark. Jobs like rewiring and painting are suddenly going to take longer. Bloody annoying but I maintain a fairly sanguine attitude, partially because that is what one does in Thailand and partially because as the building has developed I can see that it is going to be a very special pub when it is all done.

Oh and finally the picture is nothing to do with this earthquake but is nicely dramatic.

Gosh Up to Day 38

I know I have been lackadaisical in keeping the blog up to date but I am rather busy you know!! Actually it is rather nice to get complaints about my tawdriness it show people are reading. Thank you for all your comments which are greatly appereciated. And while I am speaking to you keep up the good work at clicking on those ads you have paid for a labourer for a week by your hearty clicking!
So what's been going on? Well plenty is the answer. The new split level deck is now complete and it is better than the original design so it is true what they say about there being opportunity in every f**k up! The ladies toilets are well underway and the pillars at the front of the building are all finished. Just the arches to finish off now and then I can plant up some foliage.
The vast majority of you will be delighted to learn that the waterfall won and the base wall and pool are now in place. Just waiting for the elephant frieze to arrive now and we can finish it off.
In other bits I have met a very cool sound engineer who is goig to sort out all the music equipment, speakers and the like but he has buggered off back to England for Christmas so the music system will have to wait until the first week of January. Until then well have to make do with an iPod or something.
Lots of other bits and pieces going on including boring paperwork stuff and buying all those little things that actually make a bar work but too dull to discuss here.

The other bit of news is that i have been invited to join the board of the Chiang Mai Expats Club as Vice President, an honour which I have, of course, accepted but do they know what they've let themself in for?
Anyway I must push on so I'll leave you with an arial photo taken from a United States DEA unmanned drone (don't ask) and there are some more pics here